It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything, I know, and I’m sorry for the self-imposed hiatus and failing to answer any questions that might come with that. I’ve been unusually busy with work given the start of the school year in Maryland, to start, (I may not have mentioned I work for a school!) Additionally, external and internal conflicts within and without the context of work have been unusually distressing and confusing for me of late, so I focused on the conflict instead of my blessings, I realize. Finally, as working in a school or other educational/people-centered business often brings, yes, I’ve been sick a couple of times this year (mostly minor colds, though I don’t sicken often, so when I do, I get quite sick!). In fact, the last one necessitated my taking a sick day to heal properly!
That said, I apologize, ask pardon, and promise to write more often: two to three times a week minimum!
That in mind, the realization actually inspired the poem below, so it may be a short one. Hopefully, it will be enough to communicate my intentions and thought patterns. Above all, as always, may the glory go to God and the work point y’all to Him. God Bless, Michelle
Even When….May I Trust You
I’ve known the feeling of falling apart too often now
Not to wonder if my destiny is living with a heart
Broken, bruised, torn in some places, and in others scarred.
I wonder sometimes if life will get better or
Was I created to have to try harder-
That is, to have to try harder than others
To earn the love of God?
I know that’s not true, but I feel like it is sometimes-
That since I am lowly and God is high above me
I deserve not His grace and nor should receive His mercy.
That translates into “could,” as in, “I could never really,” I think….
Because I figure I’m not deserving, so no better than anybody
But they must be doing something or are something better, I think.
I wish answers, oftentimes, would appear from thin air
Concerning what my future holds, though I know life is not fair.
I remember that I’m not here for nothing and I have a purpose,
So that is a comfort, but sometimes leaves me questioning.
“Why, though, do I have to endure the wilderness first?”
“Why do others seem blessed continuously, whereas I remain athirst
For the blessings You promised, Lord, though I submit my life to Yours?”
I know, however, there is Someone Higher guiding me,
For His thoughts are not mine and His ways are best, I see.
After all, He created the universe, so as Creator and King,
Would He not, I recall, know His creation intimately?
Lord, I have only to come to the conclusion, then,
That You are Who You say You are, so better than
Anything I could ever be independently.
After all, You made and chose me by Your love and grace,
So given such mercy, I’ve nothing about which to complain.
Indeed, the God Who would sacrifice His life for me and arise
As promised would, logically, know well more than I.
So I surrender, Lord, to Your grace, mercy, and truth,
Praying only that, even in these, my darkest times, may I trust You.