Spoken Word Poetry: A New Perspective

Hi everyone!

As a follow-up to the previous posts (here and here),  I am publishing another one that came from the lack of writing recently. Perhaps that was a good thing, as a new beginning came in the form of my church’s Women’s Retreat this past month and I could not be more thankful that, perhaps, the hiatus provided fertile ground, if you will, for healing and writing. That said, I’m back on track and ready to write again.

For those who have stuck by me, I am grateful. Thank you and I appreciate your encouragement and patience along the way. Knowing that someone is reading this and may very well take this poem as an inspiration for their own writing, a way to deepen this or her relationship with God, etc., does much to encourage me also. The glory of God and y’all are the reasons I keep writing, even with the long breaks in mind. Thank you for continuing to encourage me in my journey and know that I am praying over and supportive of yours as well.

One more thing: you may notice that I refer to childhood abuse. My dad was physically and emotionally abusive for the majority of my childhood, including adolescence. As such, I spent most of my late adolescence and twenties believing the following:

  • I had to earn God’s love.
  •  I was a deficient and second-rate believer at best and a heretic at worst.
  • I deserved the physical and emotional abuse my dad inflicted thanks to the above.
  • That I was abused meant that I wasn’t good enough for God since He saw fit to ordain that for me.
  • That I wasn’t as wanted and cherished as He promised me I am as His child, so the abuse was simply my lot for whatever I did to make myself a second-rate, barely qualified child of God.

 

Thankfully, none of that was true and it will never be. Unfortunately, that is very common thinking among those who have suffered child abuse, as I did. (*See below for more on the subject.)

 

For those who find this sensitive topic triggering, you are always welcome to reach out and I will be glad to help you in your journey towards healing. I have always considered part of the purpose of the writing I have done to love God and others as myself and I won’t stop doing my very best, by God’s truth and grace alone, to do that. As such, here is the poem in question, without further ado.

 

A New Perspective/Broken for Healing’s Sake

 

Fighting against the turmoil of an abusive upbringing

By the parent who was most responsible for Godly child-rearing

Didn’t exactly place me in a situation ripe for believing God’s claims.

Thankfully, though, Mom wouldn’t sit back quietly and hear Dad’s “no”

Choosing instead to forge a new path ahead and point her children to the Messiah-

The Father my sister and I needed all along and, blessed be His Name, knew very young

Thanks to the example of His love God gave us through our righteous, devoted Mom.

 

Now, almost thirty years from the time I became a Christian,

I look back and see fully now the dangers of my warped perspective.

That is, growing up, while I loved the Lord and knew Him,

I thought His love must be conditional and only when I was good enough for Him.

After all, I reasoned, He wasn’t protecting me from Dad’s abuse, I thought,

So He either wasn’t Who He claimed He was or there really was no God.

 

That, in itself, I realize now, was understandable, and thank God I was wrong!

Though my teenage, trauma-wounded vision was clouded, there He was

Opening my eyes in my darkest moments to see the fullness of His love

And to realize the problem was not me, Whom he loves ,

But the abuse my sister and I endured and the poison in my thoughts.

 

I really believed I wasn’t worth His time, or if so, barely His child.

If I really was, then, I wondered, why did I have to wait a while?

Why wait a while, that is, for Him “help my unbelief” and heal me?

If He really did care for me, then why would He hurt me when I was already weak?

Why did I have to go through the trials of trauma, rejection, and brokenness?

 

(Yes, I really did think I needed to earn His love-

And that He thought me weak and stubborn,

So the abuse my dad inflicted was just.

Either that, or maybe, just maybe, sadly,

He didn’t care, or there was no God in Whom to believe!)

 

What if the breaking, though, was the beginning of a new life- or, a new perspective?

What if He was calling me to walk with Him all along and could take my questions?

What if, perhaps, I had to stop asking questions for a moment to listen

And hear the voice of my Father, Lord, and Savior telling me I am cherished?

 

Only now have I come to realize that I always had the advocacy of the Holy Spirit

And the blood of the Son to establish my place with Him- plus His intercession-

For the Father to hear and grant my requests according to His best

That I might see, even when life hurts me, when I make mistakes, or truly sin,

That I was, am, and will always be His child- wanted, cherished, and truly beloved.

 

Well, then, it is a blessing indeed that I was broken for healing’s sake

When the time finally came to lay down my pride and walk anew in faith

That a new perspective, “a future and a hope” would govern my life- a needed change!

Thank You, God, and do what You want with me, in Your Most Holy Name. Amen.

 

* The Scripture verses quoted are Mark 9:24 and Jeremiah 29:11, respectively.

** For more information on common, toxic thought patterns in the minds of victims of child abuse:

Coming Back to the (Pleasant) Work of Writing……

Hi y’all!

I hope you are doing well and realize some of y’all might be surprised to see I’m back after an incredibly long hiatus. Suffice to say that life has been something of a roller coaster ride, for lack of a better metaphor, presently. Most significantly, losing my maternal grandmother on Christmas Eve, to whom I was very close, becoming more active in church and at my current job, and related events, perhaps, drove me away from writing in general for a while, however unconciously. Thankfully, I think the dry spell is over and I am now able to ponder the blessings that would come from the grief and other life events I mentioned. As such, I feel like I am finally in a good place to write again.

Another theory came to mind as I was writing this as well. To be even more frank, I think that perhaps the dry period I had this time was a call to step back and think about my life as it is now, especially since I turned twenty-nine years old in January. I figure I am not getting any younger, so, while I am looking forward to my thirties, I am somewhat apprehensive about living those years and pray I live them well. I mean that, as always, I pray God and His glory will come first, or, to quote Charles Spurgeon, perhaps the greatest Christian preacher and reformer of his day, “I wonder how many Christian people could have their biographies condensed into this line: ‘He lived to make Christ known?'” In any case, I’m back again and for good this time, barring unexpected happenings, etc.

Spoken Word Poetry: Fearless Faith (Taking A Page from Freddie Mercury) (Part 1: Introduction)

Hi everyone!

Maybe I have turned a corner after all since a counseling session brought some clarity to my current situation and I also understand my sister, Nicole’s current obsession with the music of the Britsh rock/pop band, Queen. By the way, I will call her by her nickname, Nicki, hereafter. Additionally, please bear with me since I know this introduction will be….long, but there is a lot of ground to cover. Thanks for reading this, especially if you have the kindness and patience to read it in its entirety.

For those who haven’t heard of Queen, check them out! For those who have, well, you are already acquainted with much, if not all, of their music, the personalities of the band members (especially that of the late Freddie Mercury, whose character did much to inspire this work, surprisingly!), and the Bohemian Rhapsody biopic coming out later this year.

In the session, to be clear, I talked about some family concerns, work struggles, etc., the feelings of fear and doubt I’d experienced in those and many areas of my life besides lately. In that time, and  and told my counselor, “I think I understand Nicki’s obsession with Queen now.”  For context, Nicki became obsessed with Queen around the time she first heard of the biopic, reconnecting us with our roots in classical music, country, pop, and classic rock in a new way. My initial reaction was to grumble concerning the realization that either I would become obsessed myself or I would hate Queen in response to Nicki’s obsession. (In fact, as I wrote this section of the blog, she modified “We are the Champions” and sang the modified version to her pup. Part of me wants to tell her to shush, the other is smiling and thankful for her love for Reilly since Reilly just came back from the vet and got a combination vaccine!)

That in mind, I became interested in the characters and psychology of Queen myself. After almost a year’s worth of mulling over what could be the reason behind my obsession with the character of Freddie Mercury, I hit on what most resonated with me this past week. . Nicki and I were watching the following video: Freddie Mercury – The Official Birthday Video, and I finally realized why I admired him so much and why he had a magnetic draw for many people during and after his career and death. Even with the strong language, smoking, foolishness (like calling himself a “musical prostitute- to me, there is nothing funny about human trafficking, though the jest was in sarcasm), and so on…..he was, well, authentic and transparent to a degree I don’t see in very many people nowadays. His raw candor and authenticity just…..resonated with me in a way that I finally realized that’s what I, personally, love most about him as a musician and I am sure I would have been very good friends with him if I had been born in the 1940’s or 1950’s myself.

He missed the point of living if he was not a Christian, yes, but his authenticity and transparency, with little to no fear of the days to come, were and remain inspiring. That, to me, is a hallmark of mature Christianity and what Jesus wanted for His people, after all! Proverbs 31:25, for example, says of the “wife of noble character,” “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” (NIV 2011) Additionally, the Message translation states that Jesus wants for us as follows:

Jesus resumed talking to the people, but now tenderly. “The Father has given me all these things to do and say. This is a unique Father-Son operation, coming out of Father and Son intimacies and knowledge. No one knows the Son the way the Father does, nor the Father the way the Son does. But I’m not keeping it to myself; I’m ready to go over it line by line with anyone willing to listen.

28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

“Living freely and lightly” sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Part of Mr. Mercury’s draw was, I think, that he did so as well as a non-believer could do and gives many, I imagine, pause to consider what doing so as a Christian does or would mean, whether they are living like that.

How I wish Mr. Mercury had known that, if he didn’t. I pray he did and, frankly, his example has inspired me to write about that realization on Thursday and the counseling session today. Thanks be to God that He reminds us that “nothing is too hard [or difficult] for [Him],” according to Jeremiah 32:17, no matter what legitimate translation of Scripture you read! That certainly applies to living authentically and transparently, thus using the time we have on this Earth to seek out the Lord, grow close to Him, and impact the world for His glory and our good during our lives and after we are either in Heaven or Hell.

In conclusion, with that in mind, I will publish Part Two of this series of posts- the poem itself- tomorrow, as I am still writing it mentally and working out the best way to communicate what I mean clearly. Please pray about that for me and I will pray for y’all as well! Thanks, as always, and may God Bless you now and always!

Michelle

After A Busy Week: Part 2/Après Une Semaine Occupée: Part 2

Source”: http://www.stjudes.org BTW, for those who did not know, I am fairly certain the founder of St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital, Danny Thomas, was Catholic.

Hi everyone,

Indeed this past week was busy, as I’d mentioned earlier!

Namely, I participated in the following activities this past week:

a) Classes,

b) Work,

c) A Special Event: Helping lead a worship night hosted by my university’s chapter of the United Christian Council,

d) Another Special Event: Attending a surprise party for a longtime friend to thank him for his many kindnesses to our friend group over the years,

and much more!!! Mom and I photographing one of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen anywhere capped off my Friday and relieved me of much stress! (See the previous post for the photographs.)

That said, I promise to post more regularly from now on. Hopefully y’all have been well, too!

God Bless, as always,

Michelle

Bonsoir tout le monde,

Comme j’ai mentionné, la semaine dernière était très occupée! En bref, j’étais occupée avec ces activités:

a) Mes cours universitaires

b) Mon travail

c) Un Événement Spécial: J’étais un leader d’une nuit de la prière et de l’adoration ‘a Dieu par le club United Christian Council ‘a mon université,

d) Un Autre Événement Spécial: Je suis allée ‘a une boum pour un ami de plusieurs d’ans,
et plus- beaucoup de plus! Que Maman et moi avons pris des photos du crépuscule- un des plus beaux crépuscules que j’avais vu pendant ma vie, en fait- a conclu ma semaine bien!!

Cela dit, je promettrai ‘a créer des articles de blog plus régulièrement. J’espère que vos journées ont passé bien aussi! Merci!

Dieu vous bénisse, comme toujours,

Michelle

Sometimes….

Hi everyone,

Sometimes I’m pleasantly astonished by the views I get, especialy since I haven’t been posting as much as I would like lately. University work is very important to me right now and and I thank y’all for understanding that. That said, I promise to have something up by the weekend once again. Additionally, I will try to have completed the original/English version of Anomaly and have a French version up by Sunday evening as well.  Thank you all so much!!

God Bless, as always,

Michelle

Bonjour tout le monde,

Quelquefois, je suis étonnée dans une maniéré plaisante par le nombre des vues que je reçois, spécialement comme je n’avais pas créé autant des articles de blog comme j’avais aimé ‘a créer au moment. Mes études universitaires sont très importantes au moment et je vous remercier que vous comprenez ma situation. Cela dit, je promis ‘a créer un article de blog créatif pendant le weekend encore. En plus, j’essaierai ‘a compléter les versions anglaise (la version originale) et la version française d’Anomalie sur le soir du dimanche. Merci!

Dieu vous bénisse, comme toujours,

Michelle

In the Middle of Finals/Pendant la Période des Examens Finals….

Hi everyone,

Busyness abounds like usual, but finals are the bane of my existence at the moment…..(okay, that is a slight exaggeration, but they are still frustrating!) That’s why I haven’t posted for the past couple of days. Sorry about being off the grid for a bit without much warning. I hope you will pardon me for that and promise to be more conscientious in the future!

Additionally, I will have something coming up for all of my YouTube followers, so look out for that tomorrow! Yes, I will link y’all to the video via my next blog entry when I have finished it as well! Again, I am so sorry about finals-related delays and hope you will pardon me!

That said, I hope you are well, God bless you, and I promise to post more frequently in the coming months!

As always, and God Bless you again,

Michelle